By S.K. Bacon
The holiday season is coming up soon, and on November 2nd, Starbucks released its 2023 holiday menu. Today, I will be covering this menu, and ranking the drinks and desserts — mostly by just the sound or sight of them, since I don’t have the money to buy that much coffee — on a tier list.
A bit of a disclaimer: this is just going off of my personal opinion! It’s okay to agree or disagree with what I’m about to say. And if you wanna research the drinks and treats I’m about to rank, my main information source is linked at the bottom of the article for you to peruse and make your own decisions and rankings!
Here’s the image of the tier list I made. We’re gonna start in the S-tier (which is the best), and work our way down the list to D-tier (which, in case you can’t tell, is the worst). Let’s begin!
Caramel Brulée Latte, Iced Sugar Cookie Latte — S Tier
As a diehard caramel fan, what can I say for the Caramel Brulée latte? This is one of the only things on the list I’ve actually gotten for myself, and every single time I have, it’s been heavenly. It tastes like genuine caramel, not some odd artificial flavoring. It also isn’t an overly sugary drink — you can still taste the coffee in it. 9/10 from me, which bodes an S Tier rating.
The Iced Sugar Cookie Latte is one of the only other things I’ve tried, although I had whole milk instead of almond milk (I’m allergic). Once again, it doesn’t taste like a weird artificial sweetener; it genuinely tastes like a sugar cookie, and a good one at that. There is an option of having it hot or on ice, and personally, I preferred the hot. It added to the warm, fresh-out-of-
the-oven sugar cookie vibe. The sprinkles were also an amazing touch. 9/10, S Tier.
Iced Gingerbread Oatmilk Chai — A Tier
I’m not a fan of spice, personally, and something about chai tea just isn’t my thing. Nevertheless, I tried the Iced Gingerbread Oat Milk Chai, and it met my expectations somewhere halfway. It had a good flavor and was altogether delightful, but my personal preference influenced my decision, so this guy is stuck in A Tier. 7.5/10.
Chestnut Praline Latte, Oleato Gingerbread Oat Milk Latte, Gingerbread Loaf, Snowman Sugar Cookie — B Tier
Being allergic to nuts doesn’t help the case of the Chestnut Praline Latte. Unfortunately, I was unable to taste this one, but from what I’ve heard, it’s neither good nor bad. A close friend of mine rated it a 6/10, so that’s where I will place it as well.
The Oleato Gingerbread Latte and the Gingerbread Loaf have relatively similar reviews in my book: I’m not the biggest fan of gingerbread personally, but both of these things were pretty okay. The Starbucks website also says that the Gingerbread Latte is “infused with Partanna extra virgin olive oil”, and that in itself just sounds wrong. 6/10 for both of you.
Now, coming from me — the biggest sugar cookie fan in the world — placing this little snowman so low on my list seems ludicrous, even to me. But having eaten a lot of cookies in my life, I can say that this one isn’t the best in the world. When I got it, it was dry, rather flavorless (even for a sugar cookie), and hard to bite into. I’ll stick to my Pillsbury mix, thanks. 6/10.
Peppermint Mocha, Peppermint Brownie Cake Pop, Sugar Plum Cheese Danish — C Tier
Peppermint is not my favorite thing in the world. Similar to my thing with spice, I don’t like the kind of burning sensation in my mouth. I haven’t tried the Peppermint Mocha, so I can’t really say how it tastes; but from what I can deduce from reviews from friends, it's pretty heavy on the peppermint syrup. Another thing: I detest dark chocolate. The mocha is topped with it, and the brownie cake pop is chock full of it. Not my cup of tea, personally. 5/10.
The sugar plum cheese danish at least looks appetizing. The Starbucks website describes the treat as “Cream-cheese filling is surrounded by a fluffy Danish, topped with a spiced sugar-plum spread.” I have no idea how sugar plums taste — and to be honest, the cream cheese part sounds delicious — but given the decision, I’m going to have to pass. 5.5/10.
Cranberry Bliss Bar — D Tier
Described as “A blondie cake with dried cranberries, finished with a layer of cream-cheese icing flecked with orange zest and a sprinkle of dried cranberries,” the Cranberry Bliss Bar has more bark than bite. Maybe it’s the fact that I loathe cranberries, but one bite of this and I was done. Maybe others will say it deserves better than D tier, but then again, this is just my opinion. (Another thing; it’s called a bar, which indicates it’s rectangular, when actually it's triangular. Just me? Okay.) I’ll give this one a whopping 4/10.
And with that, we’ve finished off our ratings! I’d love to hear if you have a differing opinion than mine, and if you think I should do another tier list next edition! As promised, the link for the Starbucks page I used as my source is below. Happy Holidays!
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