Anew

By Josie Woosnam

I touched you for the last time and in that moment I knew I would never be the same without you. When the snow starts to fall all around me I breathe you in, your soft chestnut cashmere scent tickles my nose. I know you feel you lost your soul a long time ago and you’re buried down beneath it all, but you should know when the light fades away and you’re at your purest form of yourself, you are beautiful and have taken my soul, and squeezed every bit of life out of it in the best way. I have loved you in a way I have never loved another. And I know this is out of the blue so if you lose your breath and the words to say it back, just know I will be your breath and your words.

It all started long ago when you bought me that record in the vinyl store off Main. What were the words off the first track? Something like, “Tides will turn to rest assured” or something along the lines of “Cause seasons pass a new day dawns.” Regardless, I knew from that moment I would spend the rest of my life loving you even if you weren’t there to love me back. How does that make you feel? Knowing I will now for the rest of eternity feel the weight of your leaving echo through my lifeless body. And through the clouds, the sun will shine but through the sun the darkness will feel like it’s closing in.

You see I didn’t ask you because I was afraid of the answer, if I had been I wouldn't have asked you in the first place. I simply needed you here with me. But it seems someone needed you more. So he’s called you back calling your name through gentle breaths that shake the soil beneath my feet, to guide you home into the light and away from me.

So let us follow where rivers flow, let’s see how far we can go. Because it will only be moments from now until I will start to forget you. What you looked like, how you felt - it will all wash away in a blink of an eye. So when it feels like you’re out on your own, just know I will always be here, praying every day I will rise to feel you deep within my soul as though you never left. All you have to do is give in and hear the voice that’s calling you home. Your current home may not be with me but I hope in the end it’s where you come back to, a place where I can constantly feel your presence.

I know you’ve still got so much more to say, so I must remind myself, “Don’t let this life you have slip away” and with that, I’ll live for another day.

Sources:

Ryan Henderson and Matt Carins, “Anew,” Moments, Spotify, Hollow Coves Music, October 18, 2019