I Have Loved You For A Long Time

By Josie Woosnam

Honey dripped from my lips as knives left yours

I pleaded for you in tears to stay as you slammed the door and left

open the door

He’s gonna come back and open the door

So I waited

Uncontrollably sobbing at first

Minute after minute ticking by

Hour after hour

Time ticked

closer

To when I wouldn’t be here anymore

I grew tired after days of longing for him to fill a part of me

But I had to remind myself he was the one who put it there to start

The sun rose

The sun set

But I remained in the same position

He’ll remember what we had and realize he will never find better

Oxygen filled my lungs on every inhale

and left on every exhale

The more breaths I took,

the more I thought this one must be my last

Grey hair, wrinkles, tired eyed, sore bony structure, and past time spent waiting

waiting

60 years later the door was opened

and in he ran laid at the feet of my decrepit body no longer meant for this life

In my final hour, I realized we both had regrets

He regretted leaving,

I regretted that I spent every day of the rest of my life longing for his return

We both wasted precious time we could have spent loving another

But it isn’t worth it to be remorseful over things you cannot change

I only wish I came to that conclusion sooner

If my younger self were to see me now she would have never spent her life that way

I cannot do anything to change another

As he held me for the last time, I whispered the words, ‘see I have loved you for a long time as I promised’

It was then that I realized you only live this life once

and you can’t spend it longing for another one because you miss the now

After all, it’s called the present for a reason

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