This goes out to anyone who was single on Valentine’s Day or more specifically anyone going through heartbreak right now. Heartbreak can be very painful, especially for those of you out there like me who love hard. I’ve heard people compare heartbreak to grief, and I think this is very accurate. Don’t get me wrong–I know grief is very different; I have had my fair share of that as well. But when you think about it, especially for anyone not talking to their ex, it’s like this person is truly gone. This person you loved so dearly (and probably still do) and invested so much time into, is suddenly gone from your life forever. You loved their family, memorized the way to their house, made hundreds of memories together, and now they’re gone. Courtney Peppernell describes this grief in her poetry book The Way Back Home: “It’s just like something inside of you breaks and it never really heals- not completely. The skin may join again over the wound, but you’re still left with a scar. The ache never really goes away; its a ghost, always returning, forever haunting. It’s just, over time, your heart makes room for it”(22). But enough about the sad; just please know that you are not alone in your pain. What I really want to talk about is where to go from here. Valentine’s Day, the day of love, is over, but it is never too late to take yourself out or do something you love.
Learn to love yourself
The first and most important step is learning how to love yourself because you could do anything for yourself, but unless you are truly enjoying that time with yourself, it won’t mean anything. Growing up in the church, I always assumed that loving youself was arrogant or vain, but to truly love anyone else you have to first be able to give that love to yourself. One of my favorite quotes is, “Treat yourself like someone you love.” So often we give so much love and grace to others, but the way we talk to ourselves is the complete opposite. Think about someone you love dearly, and imagine they told you that they think they’re ugly and stupid. What would you say to them? But how many times have you believed those exact lies about yourself? It can be hard to flip the switch, but next time you think something negative about yourself, think about how you would respond if it was someone else you loved.
Now it’s not just the way you talk about yourself, but in everything you do you should be treating yourself like someone you love. If someone you loved was down, how would you help them or what would you do to make them feel better? Next time you are down, go out and do something you enjoy. Obviously we should have other people in our lives who are doing things for us as well to encourage us, but if there's one thing I've learned, it’s that we can’t always rely on others. Except for God, you are the only one who is going to go through 100% of your trails with you and be with you every step of the way. It's nothing against anyone else, but we all have our own things going on, and no one should be responsible for someone's happiness all the time. That is too much to ask of any one person; only God can do that for us.
Here are some verses to go to for truths that God says about us:
Psalm 139:13
Psalm 34:10
Genisis 50:20
Phillipians 4:19
Take yourself on a date
Something that is very important is being able to enjoy your own company. There are so many perks to going on a date with yourself: you can go whenever you want, do whatever you want, and you don’t have to stress about making a good impression. It can sometimes seem intimidating to go somewhere by yourself, but it's honestly so much fun. My favorite thing to do is go to a little coffee shop and read for hours. It is also a good time to sit with your own thoughts. We live in a society that is fast paced and we are always on the go, but it can be helpful to sit in your own thoughts for a little bit.
Comfort
Now finally, I want to leave you with some reassurance that the right person will come, in God’s time. It can feel discouraging after you invested so much into one person, and you can become cynical. But it is important to never stop believing in love. Like Sadie Robertson says in her book Live, “Love is a commitment and an action. You have to dive all in. But love is where you find security, where you don't have to show your perfect self every day.” It can be scary because love is a risk, but as someone who’s taken the risk before, I can promise you, it is worth taking. Love is a beautiful thing even if it doesn't always last a lifetime. In the book Good Boudaries and Goodbyes, Lysa TerKeurst talks about the three different goodbyes we will have in life. Sometimes you will be able to renew your relationships, sometimes you will have “a chance to slowly rebuild after a safe season of separation”, and other times the goodbyes are forever. They are all going to be difficult but worth the time because God has a reason for anyone who come into our lives.
Comments